Poppycock

If I were to die today, how would I feel about my life? Would I be contented? Would I be happy? Would I be at ease? Will it effect some other's life? What would I say about living my life? Can I say that I'm happy with it? Can I say that my life is worth mentioning to others?

I have taste a few ups and downs. I have been through things that are worth mentioning, and are worth forgetting. I've known people that changed my life, and I've known people that are corrupting my life. I've walked on the safe side, and I've walked on the shitty part. I've been happy, I've been miserable, and I've been better.

Changes are hard. Changes can be easy. Changes doesn't have to be complicated. And changes mustn't be taken lightly. Self-made changes doesn't work. Maybe I am too suck to even change myself. Too weak to improve myself. Maybe I need someone else to propels me. To bring me up. To motivate and guide me.

Or maybe I really don't need anyone to make such an impact on me. Maybe I need the motivation from within. Maybe I need to wake up the dragon inside of me. He has been sleeping for quite some time now, and it's time for him to rise up to the challenge.

Or maybe there is no dragon after all. Just a squeamish mouse who occasionally made a lot of sound, but is too small to take any action.

Am I that pathetic? Am I that lame?
Can I really fight for myself? Can I be in control?
Is it possible for me to be stronger?

My guitar is sulking. I've been too emotionally attached to it. And suprisingly, I knew my guitar's mood. Whether she is happy, or mad, or sad, or dejected, or sprightly, or sulking, or needs attention. I know, I know, it's weird. And I know those feelings are a reflection of my own. But sometimes we don't need logic. We only need the delusions of logic, and a sense of hope, and a glimmer of faith, citing that we can be in control of something. And that something can response back in a timely manner.

I don't need a moment of awe. I don't need a standing ovation. I don't need a medal.
I just need to feel good about myself.

Under a moment of stress and pressure, man can rise to the occasion.
How I wish that is true.

Are things really that complicated? Can this thing I'm facing be untangled? Is it really a mess? Is it really fucked up beyond any recognition?

I need an answer, and I need it fast. This moment of uncertainty is killing me.

So if I die today, will I be happy?
NO
For there are things that needs to be clarify
For there are things that needs to be done
For there are things that I'm looking forward to
For if I keep looking forward, I might overlook the puddle of mud that is under my feet

I love me
I love you
I love us

Thanks for the memories