Handling with defeat

Recently, two of my friends were facing the same dilemma I was facing around exactly 1 year ago - getting dismissed from their university. For most of you guys out there, you'll never get that experience, knock on wood. I wouldn't want that to happen to you. Trust me, it is one of the most terrifying and painful period of my life. The agony in which follows after the incident was hard to bear. Getting dismissed from studies is not like breaking up with our partners, or getting booed during a performance, or getting stuck up by anyone, or something like that. It is far more excruciating. This is your whole life your messing up with. Your future. What is going to be your bread and butter. You will feel very low. It will going to be very depressing. And it is going to be messy. That happened to me. There are times where I feel like running away from everything, move somewhere else, and starting a whole new life altogether. I did felt relieved that the thought of suicide or drinking away all my problems never came across my mind.

This is going to be a period where most of us will start losing our mind. Losing hope. Losing the guiding light. In the wake of the unfortunate events that have befallen my friends, I would like to share my experience in dealing with this temporary setback.

1. First of all, do know for a fact that this is only a temporary setback. That is all to it. This defeat is not eternal, unless you want it to be. You are in control of life. At best, this should be regarded as an eye-opener for us to reevaluate our life and tune it up to the optimum level. As quoted from Mary Pickford, "... this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down". I myself found refuge under that quote. It gave me sense of relief, and sense of empowerment.
2. Once you set the record straight, you can then start resetting your life, and guide it to the best possible way. It is okay to grief, but most people took a long time to do such a thing. Extended period of grieving will do you more harm than good. Grief, when it used wisely, will turn into ponder, and that will be the catalyst for you to change the defeat into the first step of success. Grief too long, and you will start to feel the pressure and will start to think very lowly on yourself. Stop blaming someone for your failure, and that someone includes yourself. Blaming people for your mistakes will forever keep you at the bottom. Don't care about others might think of you. As long as people have mouth, they will talk. Forget them. As we Malay said it, jangan amik port. Let them speak. What is important is what you think of yourself. Consider their talking as a catalyst to propel you forward, not taking you down.
   
3. Reevaluate your life, and start to discover your true potential. Take me for an example. I studied technical science when I was in Form 4, then I further my studies in Mechanical Engineering. I failed the first time. After that, I didn't take time to look into myself, and took the same course at a different IPTA. I failed again, after 4 years (yes, I was dismissed 2 times from 2 different IPTA). The biggest mistake I did was clear to see. It is written on the wall that I am not cut out to do engineering. I may have start early, but then I failed. I refused to take this in the beginning, and I ended up with the same result. It took me 5 years to finally gave up in engineering and pursue other courses. Don't do the same mistakes as I did. 5 years is a lot of time. So rethink what you know about yourself. It is never too late. Discover your potentials or your passion. Follow your instincts. Trust yourself.
4. Try, in any way possible, to turn your life 180 degrees. Try different things. Find a new hobby. Take up reading, or cooking, or sewing. Or go to the gym. Or be a volunteer in something. Take up guitar lesson. Whatever you feel best. Venture into new territories. Open wide for changes. Never be afraid of changes. Changes are what you need right now. Stop being mundane. Stop continue living in the past. Open up new possibilities. You might never know what is installed behind every door. Start planning your daily life. Set a life target. And always remember, you may have failed before, but that doesn't mean that you are doomed to fail forever. It is only a temporary setback. Always remember that. By doing new things, you will start to feel better about yourself. The burden will slowly be relieved from your shoulder. Start to feel good about yourself. It will truly help.
5. Work very hard from now onwards. As for myself, I have wasted 5 years of life. I will never get that back. But the best thing I can do right now, is to make up for the years I've lost. I have find my solace now. I am now being surrounded by those who loves me, and those who cares. I am working very hard right now. And I am sure anyone of us can do the same thing.

I believe in you. That is why I am compelled to write this entry.
Good luck to all of you.
All the best.